1.Original： We know that sometimes success ismeasured by how much money you earn。
Revised： It does not surprise us to discoverthat sometimes success is measured in terms of themoney you earn。
點(diǎn)評：know是非常初級的詞匯，作文中出現(xiàn)I believethat…，I know that…這樣的表達(dá)只能體現(xiàn)考生寫作技巧的稚嫩，用It does not surprise us to discoverthat…替換We know that…并沒有改變原句的含義，卻使全句頓時增添了亮點(diǎn)。
2.Original： We all know that most factories would be of no use if there were not cleanwater supply。
Revised： It goes without saying that most factories would be of no use if there were notclean water supply。
托福寫作點(diǎn)評：同上例一樣，know這樣的初級詞匯應(yīng)避免在作文中使用，It goes without sayingthat…是一個固定結(jié)構(gòu)，意思是“……是不言而喻的”，常在作文中用來引經(jīng)據(jù)典或表明一個盡人皆知的道理，類似的表達(dá)還有：
An old saying goes that…
Proverb goes that…
It is universally acknowledged that…
It is generally accepted that…
3.Original： Some other people think that people should read extensively。
Revised： Another position says that people should read extensively。
點(diǎn)評：同know一樣，think也應(yīng)該盡量避免使用，修改后的句子中是用Another position says that…代替think提出另一種觀點(diǎn)，也可以用hold a point of view，hold the opinion這樣的短語替換。
4.Original： The unexpected win of the match give us confidence。
Revised： The unexpected win of the match boost our confidence。
點(diǎn)評：give也屬于英語中最初級、最基本的詞匯，也是中國學(xué)生最喜歡在托福獨(dú)立寫作中應(yīng)用的詞。這個詞只表示“給，給予”這個動作，不涉及動 作的性質(zhì)和狀態(tài)，若表示增添信心，增強(qiáng)士氣，比較地道的說法是用boost confidence/morale，如：The change of management has boosted morale throughoutthe company. 管理模式的改變使整個公司上下士氣倍受鼓舞。
5.Original： The use of drugs has increased greatly in the last ten years。
Revised： The use of drugs has increased significantly in the last ten years。
點(diǎn)評：greatly是一般用語，表示程度高，“很，非常”，使用相當(dāng)普遍而沒有新意，在托福獨(dú)立寫作中應(yīng)盡量避免使用這些通俗而又陳舊的詞 匯，應(yīng)換用一些更加正式，更有說服力的詞語，例如significantly表示達(dá)到了非常重要的或可觀的程度，“重大的，可觀的”，能夠具體說明藥品使 用方面，增長幅度巨大。significantly還可以替換成considerably，tremendously等，同樣具有不錯的表達(dá)效果。
